Ten Steps to Better Self - Care

How would you like to gain a fresh, encouraging perspective on the concept of being selfish? Granted, there are many avenues to explore in this area that cannot be covered in one setting. For now, our purpose is to examine a different perspective of :

- What self-care, or being selfish means.
- What the spiritual side looks like.
- Strategies to implement it into our lives.

Selfish, or if you like the term self-care or selfulness, means to fill up your soul and self from the inside out. Think of it in terms of your whole being, your mind, body, and spirit.

Picture of a cup of water in your mind. The water represents self-care. When we don't take care of ourselves the water gets lower and lower, eventually it dries up. We can be constantly on the go, give and give, and forget about checking in with our internal selves. This can be in the area of our spiritual lives, or not taking care of our needs by slowing down, prioritizing and setting boundaries. When our cup dries up we hit bottom. Hitting bottom can show up as feeling burnt out, health issues, feeling unmotivated, feeling resentful, and sometimes leads to depression.

Ideally, we want to keep the water (self-care) in our cup full to overflowing. The overflow is what we use to give to others; the part that is in the cup is our reserve for ourselves. A reserve means something put back for a specific purpose, something to draw from as a preventative measure. It keeps us in a state of abundance. Self-care or being "selfish", ultimately allows us to be more generous and supportive of others than ever before.

Many times, we are not taught self-care in our churches or spiritual arenas of life. This can lead us to a limiting belief that may sound like this. "If I say no to church roles or people, activities, special events, or volunteer opportunities, then I am letting everyone down and I feel guilty because I feel I'm not serving God the way I should.

I believe it's important to learn how God is our role model in how and when to set boundaries, when to take time for ourselves, and how to let go of doing things out of guilt. The book recommendation at the closing of this blog can help you with this.

Lastly, it is not realistic to rely on others for our self-care. Relying on someone or something else to make us happy only leads to disappointment. It leaves us living a life outside of ourselves instead of in full expression of who we are. If we don't take care of ourselves first, then how can we have anything left to give to others?

Ten Steps to Better Self-Care: Some of which are taken from the book, What to do When my Child has OCD, by Aureen Pinto Wagner.

1. When you have feelings of confusion, worry, anger, guilt, embarrassment, sadness and grief:

- Accept these feelings and allow yourself to feel them.
- Give yourself permission to express these feelings. Stuffing them only leads to resentment and an explosion later on.
- Find someone to talk to about your feelings.
- Keep a gratitude journal.

2. Stop beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself. Love and accept yourself for who you are. Realize you don't have to have all the answers.

3. Let guilt and shame go. Forgive yourself and others. It is only causing internal damage and disease by not doing so.

4. Become aware of your inner dialogue. Change self-defeating and limiting thoughts. Thoughts produce behavior, behavior produces results.

5. Become attune to what your spiritual life looks like. What one thing can you change today to make this area a significant part of your everyday life?

6. Are you taking the brunt of the burden?

- Evaluate your role as caregiver. What are the reasons you are in this position?
- Are you willing to give up some of the control to another family member or professional?

7. Ask for help.

- Who are the people you surround yourself with?
- Is there someone who has offered to help in the past that you can take them up on their offer now?
- Who can you hire to help around the house, yard, office? Teens, neighbors, etc.
- Are you involved in a support group? Find online groups if you can't go out very often. Check into your church and community to find what they have to offer or start your own.

8. Know your limits. Accept you cannot be your best when you are burnt out, and pushed beyond your limits.

- Pay attention to what your body is telling you. Are you not sleeping well? Are you having consistent headaches or body aches? Are you irritable all the time? Catch these signs in the early stages.
- When your plate is overflowing, ask yourself, "what do I have to do right now in order to survive the moment?" Let go of the other 100's of things that you feel you must do at that time.
- Let the phone ring, and the emails go until the time is best for you.

9. Give yourself credit.

- Acknowledge yourself for all that you do.
- Write an affirmation such as, " I am infinitely valuable, or I love and accept myself." Post it somewhere where you will read it everyday.
- Write out a list of 10 Delicious Daily Habits. They are things that help restore your self-care cup. For example, enjoy a cup of tea while reading a short inspirational story. Listen to music as you go about your day. Call a friend for a walk or coffee, or read a chapter in a book.

10. Spouses, Partners, Friends, & Families - Learn how to communicate effectively.

- Accept that the other handles situations and challenges differently. For example, some people may process aloud, needing an ear to listen - not advice on how to fix them. Some may process in their head, doing it in solace.
- Nurture your relationship. Hire or ask someone to help so that you can have time to relax and be together.
- Our relationships tend to become the first things we neglect, yet they are our biggest support system when we get caught up in the stress of life.
- Build a solid partnership so that it will sustain you through the tough times.

Book Recommendation

Boundaries - When to say yes, when to say no, to take control of your life. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

Where do you struggle with self-care in your life?

What tools have you found that are helpful?

Thanks in advance for your participation.