Four Levels of Happiness - what level are you?

Recent conversations with with people who are in career/life transitions spurred this blog. They vary from corporate executives, entrepreneurs, employees, stay at home parents and young adults entering college. They are successful in all aspects, yet have a desire for something more. The common burning questions they are asking are, "What is the purpose of my life?" and, "How can I make an impact?" Does this resonate with you or do you know of someone who is going through this kind of transition?

I have come across an interesting theory called Four Levels of Happiness, by Robert Spitzer. When we begin to get a grasp of these levels, we get a better picture of what our lives look like. Subsequently we can begin to uncover the answers to, "What is my purpose?" and "How can I make an impact?"

Robert Spitzer - Healing the Culture discusses Four Levels of Happiness.

Level 1 - Instant Gratification, "I want it now." Things we accumulate that don't last.
Level 2 - Personal Gratification, "Ego In." Achievement, Power, Admiration.
Level 3 - Good Beyond Self, "Ego Out" Giving back to others.
Level 4 - Serving God's Will "Ego towards God" Faith, Higher Purpose, Relationship with God.

Levels 1 through 3 are not destructive in themselves, yet when used as a means to an end, they can leave us searching for purpose in our lives.

My spin on this theory is, when we are in alignment with God's will, (Level 4), we can choose to have the remaining three levels working in harmony in our lives. We can make decisions on those Levels based on what our relationship with Level Four (God) is, thus producing Joy in our lives.

When we are in alignment with God, we can trust that the paths we choose to go down will provide purpose and meaning, though it may not be what we expect. Once this key ingredient is in place, we have many tools available to uncover the details of what that purpose looks like, and how to go about stepping out in that direction.

If you are in a place of transition, and are searching for more purpose in life, I offer my clients a special tool that supports and empowers them on this quest.

I'm curious...

• What Level of Happiness are you in right now?
• Have you been or are you in a career/life transition?
• What has worked for you in discovering your purpose?
• What have been your challenges?
• What have been the benefits of this discovery?

Thank you in advance for your comments.

What are you saying, do I usually look old and worn out?

Have you ever felt like reacting this way to someone when they made a comment on how nice you looked that day? Alternatively, have you had someone react to you in this way? I have and at times, it takes me aback. I stumble around searching for the "right" words trying my best to clarify or end up apologizing. Neither technique works and only leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth as to how I handled it.



As I go about my daily life, coaching, writing, remodeling homes and interacting with others, I continually see “communication practice sessions” arise. I love how life gives opportunities to refine areas of learning or where I feel challenged. These opportunities have helped me create a Top 12-Communication Essentials List. We explored Essential eleven and twelve in Hello is Anyone Listening. I find it interesting how they are connected.

Top 12-Communication Essentials List. Make the intention to:

1. Respond vs.React.
2. Show up non-defensive and ask non-judgmental, open-ended questions.
3. Find a win-win solution, there are options, be creative.
4. Be responsible for yourself, when you need to speak up do it.
5. Be aware of the Story vs. Facts.
6. Use Discernment.
7. Be conscious of your body language, and tone of voice.
8. Don’t take things personally.
9. Be clear – say what you mean.
10. Practice active listening in every conversation.
11. Do your inner work before coming to the communication table.
12. Practice, Practice, Practice

Essential one.

Have you ever had a “knee-jerk” reaction while engaged in conversation? Meaning, you reacted to a comment before thinking about what you wanted to say. It just flew out of your mouth and was not necessarily how you wanted to come across or what you truly meant. For instance Sally might say, “Joan you look great today, I love your new hair style, it makes you look younger.” Joan’s knee jerk reaction might sound something like, “what are you saying, do I usually look old and worn out?”

This is an elementary example, but proves the point. Realize this reaction can be due to our own defensiveness, feeling judgmental and we can use it out of habit, meaning we tend to operate on autopilot.

So how do we respond instead of react?

• Start with giving ourselves a quick mental and physical scan. Are we coming to the conversation feeling defensive and not open to listening? Is the tone of our voice upset? Is our body language closed?




• Where are we responsible in the conversation? Do we need to show empathy, compassion, set boundaries or speak up for ourselves?




• Picture the desired outcome for the conversation. Is your true intention to pick a fight and argue or to connect and come to a win/win solution?

At times, we cannot foresee a conversation happening, so we may feel we don’t have time to check in with ourselves. This calls for creating a system in our lives called being in the NOW. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is an excellent resource to learn more on this subject. A very simplified premise is, to stay in the present, and be conscious of our words and actions. Many times our minds are buzzing so quickly with what’s next, or worrying about something that has not yet happened, that we loose sight of what’s right in front of us.

What if you have a friend that uses this same type of knee-jerk response each and every time you have a conversation with her/him. It can be difficult, and you may find yourself constantly apologizing or trying to clarify. It may be helpful to ask questions. For example, what if you said to Sally, “Sally, I am unclear as to why you responded to my compliment this way. Would you be willing to share with me the reason?” Asking the right kinds of questions, can lead to the heart of the matter and diffuse defensiveness.

Which leads to Essential two. Show up non-defensive and ask non-judgmental, open-ended questions.

What are open-ended questions and how do we use them? Open-ended questions are questions that do not lend themselves to a yes or no answer. Nor do they start with. “why do you…” or “you are so…” Here are a few examples.

• What can we do to work together to come to a solution that is good for both of us?




• What would you like to contribute in this conversation?




• What would you like to reflect back to me about what you heard me say?




• What are your ideas and feelings on this subject?




• How have you experienced this in your life?

Use open-ended questions to gain more clarity and discovery in your conversations. Asking questions are not a sign of weakness, rather they show you are engaged and willing to learn more about yourself and the other person.

Try on these two essentials this week in your conversations. I’d love to hear your findings and tools that are effective for you.

I appreciate the comment posted to Hello is Anyone Listening. The participant pointed out that it can be frustrating when people are not being responsible to speak up for themselves and rely on others to communicate for them. I appreciate that perspective as it shines yet another light on where we can work on ourselves.


Until next time…